fredag, mars 25, 2005

[humor] Early Morning Puzzlements, Some Funny, Some Not (& Some Just Fell Off the Bed)

One out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness, says the authoritative anchorman on the telly. So, think of your three best friends. Are they mentally ill? No? Well then it must be you! And do you also suffer through puzzlements like those following, emailed from friends however AndyRooneyesque albeit, um, sane? And is it really five-thirty in the morn? Dear God.

1. Does a clean house indicate a broken computer inside?

2. Why are the colors of bubble-baths so various yet the bubbles are themselves invariably white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do people really gonna stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

10. When you're in the supermarket and someone rams your ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do you say, 'It's okay'? Well, it isn't really okay, so why don't you say, 'That hurt!'

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

14. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? (Sorry, old joke. End of the list.) And, if at first you don't succeed, should thou never take up sky diving? (Okay, real end. Come back with answers, if you dare.)
EDIT. Typos fixed, Q's trimmed & sharpened. And it appears Rooney was at origin. Not the skydiving though. (Not that mentally ill, thank you.)